Readings
Deuteronomy 30:15-20
Psalm 1
Philemon 1-21
Luke 14:25-33
“Whoever comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and even life itself, cannot be my disciple.”
What the heck is Jesus talking about in today’s Gospel passage. To say that it is a difficult teaching would be a gross understatement.
I mean hate is such a strong word. When I hear Jesus, it’s hard not to think of all the synonyms that go with hate: loath, despise, detest. I love my family; how can that be a bad thing? And moreover, isn’t Jesus about love? Doesn’t he call us to “love our neighbor as ourselves?”
Well, I think what’s going on in this passage isn’t quite so simple. I think if we stick with the surface meaning of his words we miss something essential. Jesus is teaching us something really important about what it means to follow in his way; to, as I said last week, make the shape of our life match the shape of his.
Jesus often spoke hyperbolically. Which is another way of saying he used extreme language or images to make a point. This teaching today is a clear example. His call to hate our lives and the dearest people in them is not about labeling them as bad, but rather getting us to recognize that they are not the source of our salvation. They alone cannot and do not bring us lasting peace or a sense of meaning. Loved ones die and health deteriorates. Family and life alone are not enough. And when we become too attached to such things or to others, like wealth or power, we are no longer following in the way of Jesus. We are no longer seeking God’s salvation but our own.
No, part of the shape of Jesus’ life is to practice non-attachment. It is the recognition that everything in this life, no matter how permanent it may seem, is transient. It is the acknowledgment that nothing lasts forever. When we practice non-attachment, we stop treating the people and the things in our life as suitable substitutes for God and instead recognize them for what they are: temporary manifestations of God’s grace in this world.
Now there’s a fundamental difference between non-attachment and being unattached, however. To practice non-attachment does not mean that we stop valuing or caring, nor does it mean we become indifferent. Rather it means holding something without the need to own it or control it. The best metaphor I can think of is it is the difference between a clinched fist and an open hand.
But to make such a choice, to practice a spirituality such as this, to practice the spirituality of Jesus, has its costs. Our lives will fundamentally change if we choose to embrace the life he is calling us to. It may bring conflict and confusion into the lives of our families and friends. We live in a world that is all about attachment, a world that is all about ownership and control. This is why Jesus brings up the image of the cross. It is both a symbol of sacrifice and a symbol of suffering. While there will be a real opportunity to know the healing and wellbeing of God there will also be loss and pain.
It is for this reason Jesus talks about counting the cost. Why he uses the metaphors of building a house and preparing for war. He does not want us to enter into this journey blindly or naively. To follow in the way of Jesus is not a command, but an invitation. It is an invitation to live as he lived, to know what he knew, and to receive the gifts that he received.
Which begs the question: Do we really want the Kingdom of God? Do we really want salvation? Do we really want a sense of meaning, purpose and wellbeing even in the midst of fear, doubt, and illness?
If so, then we will have to make a choice. We will have to weigh the cost.
To follow in the way of Jesus is to choose a path of non-attachment to the people and things of this world. We let go of our sense of ownership and our need to “hold onto,” and instead, reach out and hold on to God, not as some object of devotion but as the root and ground of our being. We relinquish the values of this world and claim the values of the Kingdom of God. Rather than wealth and security being our goal we make the wellbeing of everyone our value. Rather than seeking love and support simply from the intimacy of family we create communities of care where all are supported and loved. Rather than worrying about our own mortality we put the good of the whole above ourselves knowing that our lives gain meaning not through survival but through sacrifice.
Many years ago, I came to recognize that participation in church, primarily in Sunday worship and prayer was, from Jesus’ perspective, insufficient to call myself a disciple of Christ. No each of us must seek to practice as he calls us today.
This is a huge undertaking if we’ve never thought about it before. We don’t need to be perfect, and we don’t need to do it all right out of the gate. Let us, take a baby step in the right direction. Let us this week be attentive to what we hold onto dearly and try instead to loosen our grip and hold onto God. It won’t be easy, but the gift it offers more than covers the cost. As we let go of more and more and put our reliance on the Lord we will experience meaning, purpose, and wellbeing. We will have an abiding sense of love and wholeness not dependent upon the things that pass away. We will know nothing less than the Kingdom of God.